Tagger by Nick Marti
TAGGER SAVES THE FREE WORLD
1 EXT. TRAIN CAR 1
TAGGER hops back into another train car after painting the last mural.
2 INT. TRAIN CAR 2
He immediately tries to jump back out but the door has closed behind him. He turns and the camera's focus is on a man, a certain droll presidential candidate from Boston named JON CAREY. The camera pans out to show Carey lecturing the commuters. The car is decorated in campaign materials.
and so you see, this president has been the most fiscally irresponsible president
since Herbert Hoover. He refused to be patriotic and serve in Vietnam when his country needed him and now in Iraq, a war fought over phantom weapons of mass destruction, he dresses up like some gung ho hero and prematurely announces victory.
But that showed charisma, I liked that.
It was a publicity stunt. If he wants, I can teach him a little something about
But you won't be fun to watch. The president makes everything fun to watch
because you never know what he's gonna do.
TAGGER (Moving towards Carey)
I'm afraid he's right Mr. Carey. You may be the best-qualified man for the job
but if you can't tickle the voters, you won't win. Look at your man Kennedy, his
brother tickled plenty of voters and he won the presidency. Clinton too. And now look at this president, people can't stop laughing he tickles them so much.
I'm afraid he's right, Mr. Carey.
Are you suggesting that I either commit adultery or act like a cowboy to win the
Well, you could clinch it by doing both.
WOMAN (A poor seductress)
I'd be happy to help you out with the adultery part! Maybe we could also
incorporate the cowboy motif into our liaison.
That won't be necessary-
CAREY (Trying to be smooth)
Speak for yourself. Hey, baby you want some ketchup?
Knock it off, man; that's my wife!
Well, she offered.
Be quiet, the both of you. Jon, you better not commit adultery nor should you
become a cowboy. Kennedy, Clinton, and the incumbent are masters, and
that you cannot match. But you do have a good chance of winning the election if
you just smiled every once in a while.
Yeah, you know When you're happy and the edges of your mouth curl up
towards your ears.
Don't you know what happy is? When something good happens to you? I could
make you very happy.
Leave him alone, lady.
Oh, you're just jealous.
I doubt your bickering will make me happy.
That's right. Young man, is there any way that you can bring levity into Mr.
Well, it'll be tough but I'll give it a shot. The free world deserves it.
Tagger takes his backpack off and pulls spray cans out, closer angle on the opening of the backpack and the opening of the cans.
Okay, everybody go to that side of the car. Mr. Carey, you come with me.
Tagger puts on a facemask as not to breathe in the fumes. He begins painting a donkey kicking a cowboy. Carey begins to laugh as Tagger finishes. Carey turns around towards the crowd, the camera shows his POV, and smiles. The various commuters don't know how to react: some hesitantly smile back, some look away.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR (O.S.)
Copley. Next stop: Copley.
Carey walks forward; the camera stays in position and watches him go into the crowd to shake hands. Tagger, his gear together again, walks towards Carey.
CAREY (Extends his hand for a handshake)
Thanks a lot uh What's your name again?
TAGGER (Shakes hand)
They call me Tagger.
Thank you, Tagger. Tell me, would you be my running mate?
TRAIN CONDUCTOR (O.S.)
The train stops and Tagger goes to the door.
No, sorry. It's not my kinda thing.
Tagger turns to leave but YET ANOTHER MAN stops him before he leaves.
YET ANOTHER MAN
Wait, how did you do it? How did you know that would make him smile?
The fumes make everyone smile.
3 EXT. TRAIN CAR 3
Wide shot of the train car exterior. Tagger waits until the station has cleared a little before he paints his mural, a Boris Karloff-esque Frankenstein monster with a hideous smile standing outside of the White House.